On Food

It’s almost time to leave Argentina, and Chris and I are ready to go. It’s been good, but we’re done with Patagonia and trekking, and traveling to towns where everything is pretty much the same. Plus, the food isn’t all that great out here. Whoever said that Argentina is known for their beef is a liar or an idiot because this place is the home of ham. Ham ham ham ham ham HAM! I hate ham.

But to be fair, the food here isn’t horrible, but it’s just not very good. Everything is pretty bland and everything contains the dreaded ham. Here’s a rundown of what we’ve been eating:

Pizza
The pizza places here have managed to copy Pizza Hut pan crust perfectly, every single place, all over the country; and that’s not a bad thing. Pizzas come with ham, cheese, whole olives with the pit, and hard boiled eggs. Of course there are other options, but that seems to be the general favorite.

Milanesa
Think of chicken fried steak. Now, put a few wedges of lemon on it, and squirt a bunch of mustard or mayonnaise on it. Yay, now you have milanesa. You also have the option of chicken or veal, and I like mine with a fried egg on top. Of course you can get the milanesa completa which comes with ham, cheese, and marinara sauce on top.

Migas
Remember in elementary school when it was Halloween and some kid would show up white bread and American cheese sandwiches cut into the shapes of pumpkins with a cookie cutter? Or maybe heart shapes on Valentine’s Day? That’s basically a miga sandwich, except its white bread with just the crusts cut off, and a very small slice of ham added to the cheese slice. You can get them toasted in some places and you can get other ingredients in them as well, like lettuce, tomato, or tuna. I don’t like them because they always retain the taste of the plastic container they were held in. On long bus rides, we always get migas.

Helado
They all scream for ice cream in Argentina. It’s cheap and good and there are some interesting flavors. The smallest cone with two big scoops of ice cream will run you about $1. I had one that was flavored with the local calafate berry and mixed with sheep’s milk instead of the moo-cow variety, it was good. We’ve gotten banana split flavor, fruit with chocolate, chocolate with almond, mint chocolate, strawberry, almond, and some flavors we couldn’t translate. This is the only type of food without a ham option.

Parillas
A parilla is a restaurant that carries all the flesh you can handle. Most people opt for the buffet. The salad bar consists of shredded carrots, sliced tomatoes, lettuce, Russian salad (potato salad), pickled rabbit (no joke), beets, hard boiled eggs, giant white beans in a vinegar sauce, eggplant in a vinegar sauce, etc. Then, when you’re done with that, the waiter will bring you meat, meat, and more meat. I’ve noticed that the meat and fish in Argentina comes with more of their animal features attached. You get fish tails and scales and sometimes heads, your shrimp have heads and eyes and legs and have not been de-veined. Shell fish is a gritty, sandy, awful mess. Pork, chicken, and beef come with the bones and gristle.

So for your parilla buffet expect roasted chicken and lamb (bones included), big gristly well done cuts of beef (I have yet to see anything medium or medium rare, even if you ask for it), several types of sausage, and of course, pork and HAM.

Superpanchos
The Argentine foot long hotdog. They also go for around $1 and Chris contends that the Costco Kosher dogs with a drink included are a much better deal. Superpanchos usually come boiled and have a sickly grey/pink color. The superpanchos have a variety of condiments including shoestring potato chips sprinkled on top. You can smother yours with mayonnaise, mayonnaise mixed with ketchup (salsa golf is the name), mayonnaise mixed with lemon juice, ketchup, or mustard. Of course, you can also get ham and cheese on your superpancho.

Pasta
A lot of Italians settled in Argentina and most Argentine people fancy themselves Italian, too bad their food isn’t even close. When you order pasta, you have a choice that usually includes spaghetti, ravioli, or gnocchi. Then, you choose what kind of sauce (they call it salsa) you want. The salsas are the typical tomato, meat sauce, cream, or pesto variety. But the killer is that you have to pay extra for the sauce. If the noodles are $4, the sauce will be about $3. I think that’s annoying.

Drinks
Bottled water always costs more than soda, which is troublesome for the girl who never drinks Coke or Pepsi. Coffee in a lot of places is like Nescafe, and if I drank coffee I think that would gross me out. Beer comes in liters, so when going out to a restaurant, it looks like everyone is kicking back with a 40 oz. Wine is good and cheap and plentiful. The submarino is steamed milk with a chocolate bar dunked in, and sugar on the side; basically a lazy person’s chocolate milk. Juice usually comes fresh squeezed and involves a lot of pomp in the presentation with whipped cream, sugar, wafers, and other little bits attached. Tea is also on every menu and people seem to enjoy it for most meals.

Vegetarian
The vegetarian options here are total BS. If you are a vegan just don’t even come here. For about 9 months, I was not eating dairy or eggs or most anything animal derived. There is no way that would work here. The vegetarian options are cheese, eggs, cream, milk, and fish. Basically, everything you already get, without the ham.

Fruits and Veggies
Not really a very popular food group in Argentina. You vegetables usually come as French fries (papas fritas) or as a wilty piece of lettuce with a sad little tomato. Most days, I feel like I’m getting scurvy.

BUT if you go to the grocery store, there are good plums, bananas, tomatoes, and avocados to be had.

Dinner starts around 10pm. Even little kids are up eating dinner this late. Everyone has a siesta in the afternoon. The stores and schools and offices close down for about 3 hours, and everyone heads home. I think this is pretty cool and probably makes everyone more productive in the afternoon, plus it’s a good way to catch up with the family and get some stuff done around the house, or to just take a nap.

I could go on, but I think I got all of the major stuff. So next time you’re in Argentina, order the above 5 or 6 things with pride, and realize that’s about all you’re going to get.