Estefani

My mom’s maiden name is Stefani and she pronounced it like you would a first name, a.k.a. Stephanie. So when it came time for their first born to come along, my dad suggested that they name it Stefani if it was a girl. My mom thought it was weird because she only thought of it as a last name, but I guess they couldn’t agree on anything better, and when I came along, I came along as Stefani.

Besides a brief spell at the age of four when I wanted to change my name to Crystal, or possibly Cinderella, I was fine with Stefani. But the spelling of Stefani was a whole different deal. Even typing Stefani right now on the computer, I get an angry little pointy red line underneath each Stefani, telling me I am wrong. And I’m not wrong! Everyone else is wrong. I’ve gone through the majority of my life spelling my name to people the following way…

“S. t. e. f… F. f. Yeah, no P-H. F. a. n. i. no e. No e. NO E!”

And most of the time, it comes back as Stephanie.

Later on I could say, “It’s spelled like Gwen from No Doubt.” And most people between the ages of 13 and 40 would know what I was talking about, spell it correctly, and then want to call me “Stefahnee”. It didn’t help that I use that same pronunciation on the air, so I’m probably perpetuating the whole thing.

But for my whole life, it has been spelled wrong on checks, birthday cards, awards, junk mail, regular mail, documents from work and school, etc. Nowadays, I just don’t say anything, but when I see it, it just irks me a little bit. So imagine my glee when Mara took me to a laundromat in Leblon two days ago and I dropped off my clothes, grabbed the receipt, and shining back at me, written on the receipt by a woman who speaks zero English, was “Estefani”! OK, so there was an E at the beginning but it is a very common name down here and they pronounce it “Eh-schtefani” which is close enough for me. Kind of spices it up a bit.

Yesterday, I walked down the street to get Favorite Snack #2 in Rio, which is a sushi hand roll from a place called Koni. Favorite Snack #1 in Rio (if you were curious) is a cheese and banana sandwich with cinnamon (don’t knock it till you try it) from the corner juice and sandwich stands.

Anyway, I like to order the sushi hand rolls because most of the ingredients are easy for me to understand, and I can order things that mention tempura and crème cheese. I told them I wanted it ‘to go’ (para viajem) and the counter girl asked me, “Su nome?”. I stared at her blankly. Again, she asks, “Su nome?” Again, I stare. This happens a few times.

Finally, another waitress walks over, and asks me in a tone you usually reserve for the mentally handicapped, “What. Is. Your. Name.?”

Oh my god! I know the answer to this one! And I proudly blurt out, “Eh-schtefani!”

Everyone seems very pleased, or at least I pretend that they do, and the counter girl quickly hands me a receipt that says, “Estefani”. I love it.